Dating?!?

Dating. At 37, this concept should be an old one. A part of your life where you respond, "Been there. Done that." It is not something that you imagine starting over again. However, here I am on the dating circuit. I wasn't good at it in my twenties. It is going to be interesting to see how I do in my 30's...late 30's (ouch, that hurts).

In my 20's, everything was different. Life was fun. There were little to no responsibilities. Late nights...no problem. Alone or with friends...no problem. Out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday...no problem. Physical appearance...no problem.

Now the stakes are higher. There are children involved. Is a casual date even a casual date anymore? I mean, you are taking time away from your kids just to "get out there," as everyone likes to refer to it. And when you are out there, what type of person are you out there with? At my age, most people have been married. If they haven't been married, you wonder why. If they are divorced, you wonder why. If they have children, you wonder how would that work out. If they don't have children, you wonder how would that work out. Nothing about this dating idea seems simple.

My friends all say, "Just go out and have fun!" I want to...I really do. But, the worrisome side of me WORRIES! I want to get past that side. I want to live in the NOW. Enjoy some time with an adult having adult conversation. Enjoy the opportunity to dress up for someone besides a room full of 5th graders and the members of my church on Sunday. Enjoy a compliment or two. Enjoy a dinner that doesn't come with a toy or prize inside.

Above all else, I don't want another Bill! I want to have some belief that I have grown. That I have recognized the part of me that allowed my life to be turned upside down as I waited, like the good little PollyAnna, for the angels to come down from heaven and make it all better. Following this thought process, I made a very GOOD decision tonight. I returned to Alanon. Though I am not living with an alcoholic in my home, I am living with the repercussions of having an alcoholic in my life for so long. I decided that IF I am going to do this dating thing, then I had better do it with some support! If I am going back out there, then I had better be prepared to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and to have the WISDOM to know the difference.

WISH me LUCK! I will keep you posted! :O)