Ladies Man

Children grow at such amazing rates. You seem to have them pegged, life is going along at normal speed, then BAM...you are hit by the fact that your child has grown over night. Sometimes it is the fact that the shoes they wore yesterday are too tight or the pair of pants from last week are too short. My sign was a little less subtle. It was my introduction to The Ladies Man.

On Friday, the public school's version of Valentine's Day, I got to school early to enjoy Muffins for Mom with Sarah. As we were getting seated at our table, an adorable little boy from her class walks over to us. He is precious, sporting a new slicked-back haircut and an endless smile. Being a teacher in the school, which is borderline celebrity status at school functions, I was ready to lay on the 5th grade teacher charm; however, it soon became apparent that he was not there to talk to Mrs. Oliver.

His mother greets me and asks if it would be alright for her son to give Sarah a valentine. In my mind, I am thinking that she is new at this public school thing and doesn't realize that the valentines will be passed out in the children's boxes down in the K5 classroom. THEN, I see the gift bag that her son is holding. The next few minutes were a haze as I watched my daughter grow older by the minute.

This smiling, young Casanova proceeds to hand Sarah a white gift bag covered in text reading hugs, kisses, love, etc. Never one to appreciate being the center of attention, Sarah is so embarrassed that she will not even look at the smiling gift bearer. As my daughter cowers on the round seat of a cafeteria table, I have to go through the gift bag...oooing and aahhhing over the well-thought-out gifts that have been placed inside:

• a teddy bear dressed as a bee and holding a BEE MINE heart
• a heart-shaped PEZ candy dispenser
• a light-up, heart-shaped bling ring
• a small Valentine stamp set.

After unwrapping the gift, I thank the little cutie, strongly encourage my blushing daughter to do the same, and tell his mom how much we appreciate the present. She proceeds to tell me how Sarah is a topic of many dinner time conversations and how much her son likes her.

As they are about to depart, I reach out to give the little guy a hug and notice his t-shirt. Written on the front of his little 5-year-old chest are the words LADIES MAN. The humor of the situation is almost more than I can contain and, as he and his mom walk away from our table, I have to fight back the laughter that is bubbling inside of me.

At this point, I turn my attention back to my timid daughter, ready to ask her if she wants me just to take the gift that she so obviously doesn't want. What I see changes my laughter to borderline tears. Sarah has the sweetest little smile on her face. She is gently touching each of her gift items and grinning lightly to herself.

I sit there, staring at her. Slowly coming to the realization that my little girl is growing up. Just as obvious as a pair of tight sneakers, The Ladies Man has shown me that my girl has grown over night!

Bye, Bye Kitties!

Each day, I wonder how much more can my children take. In their short lives, they have been through so much. Sometimes, it seems like they have been through more than some adults I know. Life does seem to be settling down. Not nearly as many "bad" things happening as in years past, but still...there are the occasional outbreaks that make me wonder WHY?!?

A recent event included witnessing their father having a severe seizure. Luckily, they ONLY have supervised visitation, so they were not alone with him during this traumatic event. However, due to the severity of the seizure, they were forced to "hide" upstairs until their grandfather could leave the situation and come "find" them (nestled together between the bed and the wall). Right as I was beginning to enjoy freedom in the bed at night, they have moved back in with me. Always starting in their own beds, but quickly waking up and coming down to mine.

And the hits keep on coming... Today, I am home with Will who is sick AGAIN. He is suffering from a prolonged ear infection, caused by sinus issues, resulting from an allergy to our cats. So now I am looking for a home for the kitties. Sarah will be devastated. She likes Will's 2-year old cat, Fluffy Frank, but she ADORES our little kitty, Angel. Angel was part of her birthday present. She accepted donations for the Humane Society at her 6-year birthday party. In return, she was able to adopt her very own kitty (her cat was killed on the last day of school this past year). So now, I have to break the news that her kitty is going somewhere else to live. Exactly HOW do you do that to a child who still cries about the loss of her sweet kitty Alice?

I know that the children will get over the cat situation. They are resilient and all that mess, BUT is this event the last? Are we going to have some period of time that they do not experience fear, or loss, or difficulty? Can't I just provide them with some stability and happiness for a few consecutive months?

In life, sometimes we are so helpless.
We live a good life.
We believe in God.
We do what is right.
Things should be easier.
Life should be easier.

I know I sound bitter and I shouldn't. My life is pretty great.
My children are ANGELS sent straight from heaven.
I have a beautiful home.
The best friends in the WORLD.
A wonderful working environment.
Good health.
I am happy with the direction my life is taking.

I need to remember to focus on the good, forget the bad.
I just hope the children can say "Bye, Bye Kitties!" without too much difficulty!

Dating?!?

Dating. At 37, this concept should be an old one. A part of your life where you respond, "Been there. Done that." It is not something that you imagine starting over again. However, here I am on the dating circuit. I wasn't good at it in my twenties. It is going to be interesting to see how I do in my 30's...late 30's (ouch, that hurts).

In my 20's, everything was different. Life was fun. There were little to no responsibilities. Late nights...no problem. Alone or with friends...no problem. Out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday...no problem. Physical appearance...no problem.

Now the stakes are higher. There are children involved. Is a casual date even a casual date anymore? I mean, you are taking time away from your kids just to "get out there," as everyone likes to refer to it. And when you are out there, what type of person are you out there with? At my age, most people have been married. If they haven't been married, you wonder why. If they are divorced, you wonder why. If they have children, you wonder how would that work out. If they don't have children, you wonder how would that work out. Nothing about this dating idea seems simple.

My friends all say, "Just go out and have fun!" I want to...I really do. But, the worrisome side of me WORRIES! I want to get past that side. I want to live in the NOW. Enjoy some time with an adult having adult conversation. Enjoy the opportunity to dress up for someone besides a room full of 5th graders and the members of my church on Sunday. Enjoy a compliment or two. Enjoy a dinner that doesn't come with a toy or prize inside.

Above all else, I don't want another Bill! I want to have some belief that I have grown. That I have recognized the part of me that allowed my life to be turned upside down as I waited, like the good little PollyAnna, for the angels to come down from heaven and make it all better. Following this thought process, I made a very GOOD decision tonight. I returned to Alanon. Though I am not living with an alcoholic in my home, I am living with the repercussions of having an alcoholic in my life for so long. I decided that IF I am going to do this dating thing, then I had better do it with some support! If I am going back out there, then I had better be prepared to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and to have the WISDOM to know the difference.

WISH me LUCK! I will keep you posted! :O)

Welcome Back!

A friend of mine called me about a birthday party and commented on my blog. Her remark basically stated that if I wanted to have a blog then I needed to blog...excellent observation. :O) I am not sure why I got off to such a great start and then hit the "dry" spell. Basically, I fell behind a little...being a perfectionist, I hated to miss the big things and wanted to catch up. Soon, I was so far behind that I couldn't catch up. SILLY! If I miss an event, I missed it. I will blog when I have the time and won't when I do not. Isn't it silly that I have to give myself permission to not be perfect?!? The STORY of my life.

Now, on to more important matters...Christmas holidays were WONDERFUL! The children and I spent our first Christmas in our new house. I was amazed at how easily they adapted to the new traditions that we started all on our own. At their age, they take things in stride so much better than adults do. Arthur, our Elf on the Shelf, reappeared on Thanksgiving night and he made mornings fun as Sarah and Will went on a hunt to see where he had hidden next. (If you look carefully in the tree picture above, you will find Arthur hiding at the top right of the tree. He hid there to get ready for Santa's arrival and his departure to the North Pole.) We did the traditional trip to Roper Mountain, went downtown for the tree lighting and free merry-go-round, decorated our house inside and out (colored lights this year), attended several Christmas parties, and loved on one another. The best decision I made for the holidays was to stay at HOME. For the first time, I did not travel to Mississippi for the holidays. It was amazing how much longer the break seemed when all of the time was spent here. Though I know my parents missed seeing the children and me, I know it was the best decision. We were able to rest, do all the things we wanted to do, and just BE. What a wonderful gift to give to yourself during the holidays.

Night without Children

I am so EXCITED! A night without the children. This event has not happened for a LONG time. Unfortunantly, I have called all my buddies to see who wants to go out with me and everyone is doing something. I still plan to go somewhere, but where do I go on my own? Downtown is out (not safe as a single female), but Barnes and Noble could be a place of interest. Won't be able to get a good cranberry and vodka there, but I can enjoy a skinny vanilla latte and my own reading section without two small children vying for my attention. Ahhh... I am feeling relaxed already!

Kitten

For Sarah's birthday, she had a Pet Party. In lieu of presents, we asked the party-goers to bring donations for the Greenville Humane Society. Sarah accepted the lack of presents with a smile because I promised that we would adopt a kitten when we took the donations. Well, today was the day! What better way to end a week of sickness than a visit to the place filled with puppies and kittens? Immediately, she fell in love with a little black and white kitten with a strong set of lungs. She was convinced that the kitten's "mewing" was directed at her. Even though she spent over 30 minutes intently studying each kitten there, the noisy kitty held her attention. Each time she held the kitten, it stopped its crying so she felt they were destined for one another. Finally, she made her selection and we went through the adoption process. I was proud of my little girl and how "big" she seemed promising the man that she was going to take good care of her new kitty.
So now, I sit downstairs with a little black and white puff ball upstairs in the children's bathroom...mewing intently for Sarah to come and check on her every 5 minutes. She has been named ANGEL (even though "she" is actually a HE - Who wants to argue with a 6-year-old?). Angel has been awarded with her own blanket, carrier, litter box, food bowl, water bowl, basket, and a plethora of cat toys. Lucky cat! She will be loved more than any kitty in the world. I, on the other hand, think that I need to have a BIG glass of wine to relax and come to terms with the fact that I have a kitten in my house. Have I ever mentioned that I am NOT a cat person?

Sickness

What a week! All three of us have been sick...with completely different illnesses. Will has missed 3 days with a sinus infection. His temperature made me nervous as it raged over 100 for the last 3-4 days. Sarah decided she would not be outdone and got a nasty cold accompanied with her own fever. With her history of febrile seizures, I quake with fear every time she feels the slightest bit warm. To round out the family, I somehow acquired a throat and mouth infection. My throat aches and my tongue feels horrible. Sometimes just talking makes me hurt (and everyone knows how I like to talk).
All in all, this week has been unpleasant, but today was the worst! I really did not want to leave the children, but I am constantly in fear of absences at the old elementary school. So, I made the decision to be a good teacher and a bad mother. The children were fine - well taken care of by their great aunt, who worships them. However, I still felt horrible. Like I was failing as a mother. When Will cried and asked me not to leave this morning, my heart ached and tears filled my eyes. In a different world, I would be at home with them. In a different world, I wouldn't have to worry about attendance or students or parents or any of that stuff. In a different world, I would be with my children when they needed me.